Marsilio Ficino, philosopher, ‘Conceived beauty in the things of this world as God’s means of making himself manifest to humankind. The contemplation and study of beauty in nature – and all things – was a form of worship, a manifestation of the divine or spiritual love….Likeerotic love, spiritual love is inspired by beauty, but spiritual love moves beyond the physical to an intellectual plane and, eventually to such an elevated spiritual level that it results in soul’s union with God.’
Most of us have accepted the inner pull asking, ‘whats more to this life, whats the point?’ some may describe it as a God sized hole, others may be too consumed with this material world to notice it’s there. But in the beginning (prior to the big bang for you science oriented) all we know there to have been is LIGHT. I call this God. I believe that everything in the UNIVERSE was created from this source including you and I. Would we be able to touch the sun, that gives life and energy to the world? NO way, we would burn in a heap within millions of miles. I believe it is the same way with GOD. Being pure light and love, we, in this state of human existence, are so far removed from what is pure and true that upon direct approach of such light we could not withstand the awesome energy. AS though we are balls of chaotic energy and God is that energy which is PURE. The two can not co-exist without the pure destroying the chaotic. ‘In his image’… we have been created with endless potential to be tapped into, both in the physical and other dimensionally. Bringing clarity to the chaos is to know your potential in union with the creator. These truths are within us, may be different diction depending on person. I know that we have the potential to be in perfect unity with the LIGHT. The same Energy that formed the world is waiting to invade our souls. Will you allow that?
If I told you things I did before, told you how I used to be
Would you go along with someone like me?
If you knew my story word for word, had all of my history
Would you go along with someone like me?
I did before and had my share, it didn’t lead nowhere
I would go along with someone like you
It doesn’t matter what you did, who you were hanging with
We could stick around and see this night through
And we don’t care about the young folks
Talking ’bout the young style
And we don’t care about the old folks
Talking ’bout the old style too
And we don’t care about our own faults
Talking ’bout our own style
All we care ’bout is talking
Talking only me and you
Usually when things have gone this far people tend to disappear
No one will surprise me unless you do
I can tell there’s something goin’ on, hours seems to disappear
Everyone is leaving, I’m still with you
It doesn’t matter what we do, where we are going to
We can stick around and see this night through
And we don’t care about the young folks
Talking ’bout the young style
And we don’t care about the old folks
Talking ’bout the old style too
And we don’t care about our own faults
Talking ’bout our own style
All we care ’bout is talking
Talking only me and you
And we don’t care about the young folks
Talking ’bout the young style
And we don’t care about the old folks
Talking ’bout the old style too
And we don’t care about our own faults
Talking ’bout our own style
All we care ’bout is talking
Talking only me and you
Talking only me and you
So Interesting. Addiction has become a human condition. Drugs and alcohol are only included in the ‘addiction’. All of these things are symptoms to the problem, which ultimately is a deeply rooted spiritual problem that manifests in us, just wanting to feel something different than we already do. We want to change the Gaping hole of destroyed self- worth, condemnation, regret, and a genuine feeling of unhappiness ALL the time. We try to find labels to make ourselves feel better, or more worthy members of society. Jobs, relationships, sex, drugs (insert drug of choice here), religion, charity. . pick your poison. Bottom line is most of us spend a life time trying to Feel Better. The ultimate rock bottom, as I see it, Is not over- dosing or ‘loosing it all’. Rock bottom is when you realize that none of these things work. None of these things take away the all consuming pain you feel every second of every day. In fact all of these ‘symptoms’ only contribute to your unyielding burning in the for of guilt and resentment. I have not yet UN-locked the secret to happiness. I believe it starts with our thought process, and I’m told a Higher- Power must be present to fill this void we encounter. For me, I’ve been learning that I am actually in control of my life, and that I am capable of perusing the things I am passionate about. I still feel a struggle hourly, sometimes momentarily as I fear the next thing that may happen. But I then have to remind myself that, in the epic storyline of events transpired in my life, everything has seemed to work out. I do believe in God, a Higher- Power. I can’t imagine him as a parent figure, My parents, I don’t believe are the best model for this, unless God’s ‘Love’ is conditional. I suppose I follow a spirituality similar to Nhat Hanh, I believe ‘being in the image of God’, we posses the power to effect the world around us, beginning with ourselves. I believe God reveals himself in many forms, personal to the individual who seeks. I see God as a collective consciousness, inhabiting everyone and everything. I see God as all encompassing ‘good’ and ‘evil’. He must be? I have been on a quest to find exactly what My Concept of God is. Though I have not entirely figured it out yet, I know this is the piece I am lacking. And what my heart is desperately searching for.
God Smiled. “My time is eternity, … what questions do you have in mind for me?”
“What surprises you most about humankind?” …
God answered; “That they get bored with childhood, they rush to grow up and then long to be children again. That they lose their health to make money and then lose their money to restore their health. That by thinking anxiously about the future, that they forget the present, such that they live neither in the present or the future. That they live as if they will never die and die as if they had never lived.”
God’s hand took mine and we were silent for a while. And then I asked; “As a parent, what are some of life’s lessons that you want your children to learn?”
God replied with a smile. “To learn they cannot make anyone love them, what they can do is let themselves be loved. To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others. To learn that a rich person is not the one who has the most, but the one who needs the least. To learn that it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds in persons we love and it takes many years to heal them. To learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness. To learn that there are persons who love them dearly, but simply do not know how to express or show their feelings. To learn that two people can look at the same thing and see it differently. To learn that it is not always enough that they be forgiven by others, but that they must forgive themselves. And to learn that I am here … ALWAYS.”
~ James J. Lachard (Jim Brown)
Regrets collect like old friends Here to relive your darkest moments I can see no way, I can see no way And all of the ghouls come out to play
And every demon wants his pound of flesh But I like to keep some things to myself I like to keep my issues drawn It’s always darkest before the dawn
And I’ve been a fool and I’ve been blind I can never leave the past behind I can see no way, I can see no way I’m always dragging that horse around
Our love is questioned, such a mournful sound Tonight I’m gonna bury that horse in the ground So I like to keep my issues drawn But it’s always darkest before the dawn
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back So shake him off, oh whoa
And I am done with my graceless heart So tonight I’m gonna cut it out and then restart ‘Cause I like to keep my issues drawn It’s always darkest before the dawn
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back So shake him off, oh whoa
And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back And given half the chance would I take any of it back It’s a fine romance but it’s left me so undone It’s always darkest before the dawn
Oh whoa, oh whoa…
And I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t So here’s to drinks in the dark at the end of my road And I’m ready to suffer and I’m ready to hope It’s a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat ‘Cause looking for heaven, found the devil in me Looking for heaven, found the devil in me Well what the hell I’m gonna let it happen to me, yeah
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back So shake him off, oh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back So shake him off, oh whoa
“Pain is strange. A cat killing a bird, a car accident, a fire….Pain arrives, BANG, and there it is, it sits on you. It’s real. And to anybody watching, you look foolish. Like you’ve suddenly become an idiot. There’s no cure for it unless you know somebody who understands how you feel, and knows how to help.” ~ Charles Bukowski
“I don’t care what they say after I’m dead. In fact, I hardly care what they say while I’m alive. I only write to help myself get through the weeks and the months and the years.” ~ Charles Bukowski
I’ve been recently posting many pieces of writing, which I have already written. I feel now is the time to share a personal story..ish. Let it be known that all of my writing, obviously, is based on personal convictions or experiences. I share in the hopes that one of you may read and think something like ‘AH! someone else get’s it! I am not alone, and I am certainly not crazy… (or insert personal reflection here).
I was Diagnosed Bi-Polar when I was 16 years old. Seems a bit ridiculous, right? It would seem to me that every 16 year old girl is by definition Bi-Polar. The ‘Disease’ is characterized (in broad terms) by going from one extreme flipping from one emotional extremity to another. Or at least this is how I was diagnosed.
I suppose I acted in ways that could be checked off on the MD Bipolar checklist for many years. I was promiscuous, depressed, manic, indecisive. I abused various drugs, went on shopping sprees…. WHATEVER. The list of my off color choices goes on and on. I choose to use the term ‘off color’ for this reason.
Today. I accept who I am in entirety. I am not ‘Bi Polar’. I do not suffer from any disorder apart from being a human being trying to find my identity in the world. I am continuously bombarded with outside influence. Whether it be the loving advice of friends or family, religious groups (who I believe have the best of intentions) or my own scholarly research. I believe I am a spiritual being living a human existence. I believe we all are. This is why life, feelings and choices feel (FEEL, feeling are such a blessing and a curse) so deeply. I have allowed myself to be deeply effected by outside sources as opposed to following my own instincts. I can see how that may appear ‘Bi- Polar’ I suppose in a sense it is. I have been acting out of accordance with my own soul in an effort to please the world.
My point in this rant. Is to say NO MORE. I will not allow myself to be defined by the extremities of others extremities. Instead I will not be defined. I will simply be.
This is only a small piece of the story I hope to share. Utilizing the poetry and ‘stream of consciousness’ pieces in between as insight.
I enjoy a cigarette and a glass of red wine, all the while condemning myself, blinded to the fact that God doesn’t. He loves me with ripped jeans and far too much sarcasm. The truths he speaks to my heart white out my flaws. Listening ears are a prayer request of mine, as well as a heart without judgment. It’s not perfection I seek, But to find comfort within my imperfection. Knowing, with my flaws I continue to a perfectly unique creation, essential to the universal design.
“The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it’s indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it’s indifference.”
― Elie Wiesel
Saw these words today ‘Love others as you Love yourself’and began to realize that Loving others is qualified by how we Love ourselves. We spend more time with ourselves than with anyone else…How do you feel in our alone time? Do you enjoy spending time with you? My challenge for myself and for any feeling compelled to accept, is ENJOY who you are. Love your quirks & flaws. Love the things you consider good traits, it’s not vanity it’s necessity. Love those things you would consider negative traits. Remember that we unite in our shortcomings, our weaknesses…not in trying to one-up each other. I believe we need to truly learn to Love ourselves, live passionately, be bold in what is True. Then we may begin to pour this out to a needing world around us..There’s no time to waste..
Our governor here in Kentucky has decided to implement the new Common Core “Next Generation” science standards. Progressives are celebrating this move for a few reasons : 1) It will put us in line with many other states, which is great because we all know a diverse and enriching education must be in utter uniformity with the national collective and in compliance with the federal agenda. 2) The criteria calls for a renewed emphasis on man-caused climate change and, of course, evolution. Evolution — atheistic, nihilistic, materialistic, mindless evolution — must be taught as fact, without other ideas presented to compete with the theory.
Proponents say that atheistic evolution is the only thing that belongs in the classroom because religion and science just don’t mix. I agree, partially at least. Some religions don’t gel with science — religions like Scientology or, say, Atheism. The followers of the COA (Church of…
Whether good or bad hold experience near, let it be guidance through lives paths and it’s fears.
Fear and darkness, blinded to whats ahead, allow yourself strength without the burden of dread.
True love is constant, always unconditional. Without judgment, true friends will reach out when you fall.
It’s up to you to open your heart, let go the unyielding pain you consume from when it was torn apart.
Ridiculous as it seems, life’s highs are the best. More powerful, less destructive than any drug you ingest.
Natural euphoria, bearing no regret. Hold on to nostalgia, incidents you could never forget.Don’t take for granted the positive things you are given. Life without happiness is a life without living.
I am humbled by the overwhelming response I am receiving to these posts. I have always found writing to be an honest heartfelt confession with the ability to transcend spoken words and emotions. My hope is to inspire and provoke thought; To share in my weakness that others may be built up. As you can imagine, following your passions is not always monetarily sufficient. If it is on your heart to do so, you may donate here. Donations will help me to continue doing what I love, and have the ability to share with you.
Everything is Spiritual. 