Everything is Spiritual.

So Interesting. Addiction has become a human condition.  Drugs and alcohol are only included in the ‘addiction’.  All of these things are symptoms to the problem, which ultimately is a deeply rooted spiritual problem that manifests in us, just wanting to feel something different than we already do.  We want to change the Gaping hole of destroyed self- worth, condemnation, regret, and a genuine feeling of unhappiness ALL the time.  We try to find labels to make ourselves feel better, or more worthy members of society.  Jobs, relationships, sex, drugs (insert drug of choice here), religion, charity. .  pick your poison.  Bottom line is most of us spend a life time trying to Feel Better.  The ultimate rock bottom, as I see it, Is not over- dosing or ‘loosing it all’.  Rock bottom is when you realize that none of these things work.  None of these things take away the all consuming pain you feel every second of every day.  In fact all of these ‘symptoms’ only contribute to your unyielding burning in the for of guilt and resentment.  I have not yet UN-locked the secret to happiness.  I believe it starts with our thought process, and I’m told a Higher- Power must be present to fill this void we encounter.  For me, I’ve been learning that I am actually in control of my life, and that I am capable of perusing the things I am passionate about.  I still feel a struggle hourly, sometimes momentarily as I fear the next thing that may happen.  But I then have to remind myself that, in the epic storyline of events transpired in my life, everything has seemed to work out.  I do believe in God, a Higher- Power.  I can’t imagine him as a parent figure, My parents, I don’t believe are the best model for this, unless God’s ‘Love’ is conditional.  I suppose I follow a spirituality similar to Nhat Hanh,  I believe ‘being in the image of God’, we posses the power to effect the world around us, beginning with ourselves.  I believe God reveals himself in many forms, personal to the individual who seeks. I see God as a collective consciousness, inhabiting everyone and everything.  I see God as all encompassing ‘good’ and ‘evil’.  He must be? I have been on a quest to find exactly what My Concept of God is.  Though I have not entirely figured it out yet, I know this is the piece I am lacking.  And what my heart is desperately searching for.