Everything is Spiritual.

I’ve been recently posting many pieces of writing, which I have already written.  I feel now is the time to share a personal story..ish.  Let it be known that all of my writing, obviously, is based on personal convictions or experiences.  I share in the hopes that one of you may read and think something like ‘AH! someone else get’s it! I am not alone, and I am certainly not crazy… (or insert personal reflection here).

I was Diagnosed Bi-Polar when I was 16 years old.  Seems a bit ridiculous, right?  It would seem to me that every 16 year old girl is by definition Bi-Polar.  The ‘Disease’ is characterized (in broad terms) by going from one extreme flipping from one emotional extremity to another.  Or at least this is how I was diagnosed.

I suppose I acted in ways that could be checked off on the MD Bipolar checklist for many years.  I was promiscuous, depressed, manic, indecisive.  I abused various drugs, went on shopping sprees…. WHATEVER.  The list of my off color choices goes on and on.  I choose to use the term ‘off color’ for this reason.

Today.  I accept who I am in entirety.  I am not ‘Bi Polar’.  I do not suffer from any disorder apart from being a human being trying to find my identity in the world.  I am continuously bombarded with outside influence.  Whether it be the loving advice of friends or family, religious groups (who I believe have the best of intentions) or my own scholarly research.  I believe I am a spiritual being living a human existence.  I believe we all are.  This is why life, feelings and choices feel (FEEL, feeling are such a blessing and a curse) so deeply.  I have allowed myself to be deeply effected by outside sources as opposed to following my own instincts.  I can see how that may appear ‘Bi- Polar’  I suppose in a sense it is.  I have been acting out of accordance with my own soul in an effort to please the world.

My point in this rant.  Is to say NO MORE.  I will not allow myself to be defined by the extremities of others extremities.  Instead I will not be defined.  I will simply be.

This is only a small piece of the story I hope to share.  Utilizing the poetry and ‘stream of consciousness’ pieces in between as insight.