I knew in those moments I was experiencing something divine. I knew the eternal parts of me and the here and now parts of me had streamlined, that I had entered a multi dimensional experience. In the midst of chaos, I felt connected to infinity and I knew my purpose had not been lost.
Prior to those moments I had become so enmeshed in a lower nature that I lost all spiritual connection. It’s possible I never really had one. I always had ideas about something greater than me, a consciousness or community of energy, the existence of all, total unity, the place where all life energy returns to after death… The depths of me knew such a thing existed and couldn’t stand that I felt to separate from it. I had ideas about the importance of a total experience, that there is a purpose for everything and duality was necessary. I was also terrified to experience pain. So I tried to control my own experience and anesthetize the pain and confusion. I was unable to control any thing for any substantial amount of time. In this lower nature, my inability was certain. I had no idea how to cope. I wanted to die, to return to that place where unity, community and consciousness were natural.
Then I woke up into this daze of Daja Vu. Maybe my absolute defeat enabled this exchange.
Nothing was the same after those moments. The universe had conspired to guide me towards a new path. On a practical level my life had become so uncomfortable that drastic change didn’t seem scary. That Deja Vu was the jolt to recharge my spirit providing the strength needed to ascend from that lower nature.
The road to follow has not been easy but I haven’t had to descend yet.
Everything is Spiritual. 