Category: Thoughts


 

I knew in those moments I was experiencing something divine.  I knew the eternal parts of me and the here and now parts of me had streamlined, that I had entered a multi dimensional  experience.  In the midst of chaos, I felt connected to infinity and I knew my purpose had not been lost.

Prior to those moments I had become so enmeshed in a lower nature that I lost all spiritual connection.  It’s possible I never really had one.  I always had ideas about something greater than me, a consciousness or community of energy,  the existence of all, total unity, the place where all life energy returns to after death… The depths of me knew such a thing existed and couldn’t stand that I felt to separate from it.  I had ideas about the importance of a total experience, that there is a purpose for everything and duality was necessary.  I was also terrified to experience pain.  So I tried to control my own experience and anesthetize the pain and confusion.  I was unable to control any thing for any substantial amount of time.  In this lower nature, my inability was certain.  I had no idea how to cope.  I wanted to die, to return to that place where unity, community and consciousness were natural.

Then I woke up into this daze of Daja Vu.  Maybe my absolute defeat enabled this exchange.

Nothing was the same after those moments. The universe had conspired to guide me towards a new path. On a practical level my life had become so uncomfortable that drastic change didn’t seem scary. That Deja Vu was the jolt to recharge my spirit providing the strength needed to ascend from that lower nature.

The road to follow has not been easy but I haven’t had to descend yet.

 

Lessons from Labyrinth

Now, Sarah from The Labyrinth, Is one to learn from. ‘You Have No Power Over Me’… Lessons From Labyrinth…

1. When you act and speak in self-contentedness and immaturity, blaming the world for your problems, the Goblin King Will actually create problems for you.
2. Nothing is as it seems.
3. A friend is someone who you show unconditional love to. Love is gained by giving Love, not expecting.
4. The only way out is Through.
5. The walls of the Labyrinth may only be broken down when you realize that you, yourself hold the power.
6. Your true friends will help you to discover your own truths.
7. A man, even a kind is only able to control you so long as you give him power.
8. There will always be choices, just keep moving forward.
9. Passion and determination supersede direction.
10. Everything that you are is also creating who you will become. Awake, Strengthened, experienced.

Of course, non of this could have foreshadowed Jennifer Connoley’s poor life choices to come in Requiem for a Dream…

Higher Power

I identify with a higher power of synchronicity, which places me in unity with you and you …. and you. I Identify with a higher power of progression, which has the ability to move any circumstance forward regardless of my choice to struggle through the process or to not. I identify with a higher power of balance, which is not definitive within labels or extremes. I identify with a higher power of creation, which has the ability to create paths where I see stone walls. I identify with a higher power who is as persistently in love with my well being as with yours. I identify with a higher power of transformation, which is sponsoring constant growth and change.I identify with a higher power of infinite exponential capacity to expand my spiritual views enabling me to cope within this world. Most importantly I identify with a higher power, beyond my singular consciousness, which places power of choice, recovery and freedom within me.

I think things are about perspective…I had the thought today, that it is necessary for us to experience difficulties or hardships in life… if life is about moving on to the next thing and helping others do the same then each experience becomes just that. An experience that will enable us to do the next one. And help us to be compassionate towards another person feeling similarly.. I’ve experienced a lot of emotional trials… and I’ve had a hard time excepting things as they are happening… I just want them to change, so I feel better but i’m starting to appreciate the growth that actually happens from these things. And practice patience…
5/13/14

Loving The Little Mermaid clearly set me up for Unhealthy expectations and practices in the world. Watching it now with Tristan, I realize these are the lessons I learned and acted upon after idolizing Ariel.

1. It is the best idea to not only defy your father, but give your whole family a big fuck you, in search of ‘stuff’
2. ‘Stuff’ makes you feel better and gives you hope of a better life.
3. Apart of your world- Everything would be better if I just lived in a completely different world.
4. Fuck finns, I want legs so I can walk, stroll and ask how fire burns.
5. Sharks?! Ariel don’t care, neither do I.
6. When you ‘Love’ someone, the way to get their love reciprocated is to abandon your heritage and home to become like them.
7. Also in this quest to win a lovers ‘Love’ Give up whatever it takes to simply be in their presence.
8. A kiss means someone loves you.
9. If a man finds you half dressed on the shore, unable to speak, he will take you back to his yacht.
10. Even after all this, dad will forgive and turn anyone who has hurt or mislead you into deathly, stagnant, ocean sperm.

Ariel, you are a misguided, weak, spoiled girl… Drunk on a picture of Love resulting in codependency. I feel my faith in you was miss placed as a naive girl. Because you were one of the lucky ones….

Deja Vu

I seem to be having a continuous stream of Deja Vu. It started in spurts when I got to Pennsylvania. Today I feel like I’m awake in a dream. It’s not that everything is spectacular yet, as My thought process is not enabling that. Perhaps I have become Awake to life. I Can’t help but wonder if Deja Vu is a reflection of something God has seen play out. Some type of reminder to my physical self of what my spirit has known…

The Two Will Become One.

i

Light, Dark
Yin, Yang
Good, Evil
Right, Wrong
Masculine, Feminine
… Alpha, Omega

As a species we have defined our word through extremes. Through these definitive words we are not only limiting our own potential, but limiting the all encompassing balance and supremacy the universe, or what I call God, is offering. The Two Will Become One. we have reached a pivotal shift, which we must allow our hearts to give way to, without the mind impeading. It is within our heart that we understand unities place. The Two Will Become One. I is time to break through these barriers of thoughts and words to allow free flow of spirit, and in turn external connection. This is often unknowingly what we long for, Connection, spiritual connection, which will also manifest physically. loose yourself. Silence your mind. Begin to hear the whispers of your heart. Allow your soul to lead. Break the barriers. Forget the extremes.

Trying to decipher between Labels,

Am I….

Controlled,

Addict,

Mother,

Girlfriend,

Hard-worker,

People Pleaser…?

Sick,

Traumatized,

Beautiful,

‘A Gem’,

Nerd,

A Friend,

Selfish,

Abused,

Nurturing,

Christian,

Faithless,

Heathen,

Condemned….

 

I THINK, what I have been is Influenced.  Allowing Labels to define what is most precious, ME.   As a result of these labels and past experiences toiling through my head I have believed a fictitious story about myself.  Meanwhile, feeling as though I am trying to claw my way out from the inside.  Utterly discontent and uncomfortable Everyday.  Momentary lapses of clarity have begun to give way.  Fleeting spaces in time where I feel necessary, meaningful and complete.  In these moments I have let go of stigmas placed by me and others.   Allowing the constructs of my mind to merge with soul,  moving away from the world and it’s words into my home and my heart.  Where in I am Outside of Labels.  Within I am not what I have done, I am who I am.  I am not a story to be written nor a Label to be spoken.

 

“We are the center .”

Written By a friend Who I am humbled to know. For over ten years now I have continually watched the evolution of soul and mind within Dajon His selfless good-will and intellect continues to manifest through words. Let them be today’s Devotional. Put down your religious texts, The Truth is Within our Hearts and Minds. Dajon is just one who Clearly illustrates this.

You can view more of his ‘rants’ On face book.

https://www.facebook.com/dajon.fanelli

“We are the center .

In each of our minds – some may call it arrogance , or selfishness – we are the center , and all the world moves about us , and for us , and because of us . This is the paradox of community , the one and the whole m the desires of one often run in direct conflict with the needs of the whole . Who among us has not wondered if all the world is no more than a personal dream ?

I do not believe that such thoughts are arrogant or selfish . It is simply a matter of perception ; we can empathize with someone else , but we cannot truly see the world as another person sees it , or judge events as they affect the mind and the heart of another , even a friend .

But , we must try . For the sake of all the world , we must try . This is the test of altruism , the most basic and undeniable ingredient for society . Therein lies the paradox , for ultimately , logically , we each must care more about ourselves than about others , and yet , if , as rational beings we follow that logical course , we place our needs and desires above the needs of our society , and then there is no community .

I come from The Nether , city of shadows , city of self . I have seen that way of selfishness . I have seen it fail miserably . When self-indulgence rules , then all the community loses , and in the end , those striving for personal gains are left with nothing of any real value .

Because everything of value that we will know in this life comes from our relationships with those around us . Because there is nothing material that measures against the intangibles of love and friendship .

Thus , we must overcome that selfishness and we must try; must care .

I would rather have my physical heart torn from my chest , than have my heart of hearts , the essence of love , the empathy and the need to belong to something bigger than my corporeal form , destroyed .

They are a curious thing , these emotions . How they fly in the face of logic , how they overrule the most basic of instincts . Because , in the measure of time , in the measure of humanity , we sense those self-indulgent instincts to be a weakness , we sense that the needs of the community must outweigh the desires of the one . Only when we admit to our failures and recognize our weaknesses can we rise above them .

Together .”

The Phoenix Rises …D

 

From a Single Mother

I gave my Life to You,
Gave a son to you,
Will never understand,
Why it’s this You Put me Through.

Four years Built from addiction,
Entertaining Individual Affliction,
When He Came into the world,
I had to be the One to remove him from our Horrid Decisions.

I made the changes, I became a Mother,
But it is you who claims to suffer,
While you continue the same path of insanity,
In your presence I crumble, without you We Prosper.

Spare me your rants about what’s been done to you,
Hold on to your words of what I’ve Put you Through,
I’ve done what any Instinctual person would,
When they put ego aside, Let self- will Undo.

This must happen as a Child Enters the World,
My life has become, watching His Unfurl,
I will not feel Guilt for protecting Him,
While you tear me down with each Lie you’ve hurled.

Through each lesson, I continually let you In,
In the hopes that your serious, That it’s Tristan who will Win,
You came into our house, disrespected, betrayed us again,
Showed us once more the stronghold of Your Sin.

Yet again I hold the Guilt,
As you transfer your own Shame,
Thank God he’s still to young,
To understand your Cold Heart’s Game.

Tristan and I will Prosper
Whether or not you chose to Join.
We’ve been blessed with strength and Survival.
For you, we won’t Morn.

I will Continue to Pray,
For you and your best.
If I were to ever see you,
It would be a spiritual test.

One I have clearly not conquered yet,
As my heart still hopes,
for my Son, The best.

Shut out The Noise

Do you Ever just shut of all the noise and Listen?  It is 2 am.  I am Alone.  Even my Son is absent from my home, Spending time with his Grandparents.  It is rare for me to find myself in a setting where I do not have ultimately, Chaos around me . I’m Consistently either surrounded by the 5 people to the 100’s of people I come into contact with at work daily.  Or at the very least, My Curiously, Impish 2 year old parades about. Even at home it is rare for me to find myself with No company.  While alone I am usually playing music at the very least.  At this moment I am Beautifully and comfortable alone.  My windows are open, allowing the Perfectly Chilled, Polar air to brisk through my home.  I am engulfed within such solitude it’s as though my hearing has improved.  My ears have given way to Every Crackling blade of glass, in the absence of distraction.  I recognize so many individual Sounds, Vibrations, singularly.  I am awe struck.  In this lack of distraction, Sounds of has became my keenest sense. Trains Horning, a genuine hum that makes you assume machines are running, Wheels on pavement, Chirps of Toads and Crickets, Mysterious Crepitant bustles heard from the leaves and pavement…  I Can’t wait to explore what My Mind hears when I am able to Shut out  even this noise, having recognized the sensitivity of sound.  Have you ever just shut out the Noise and Distractions?

‘I pray the world never runs out of dragons . For the dragon is the quintessential paradox , simultaneously embodying our ultimate ally and our greatest of foes . They represent the unconquerable epitome of destruction and the primordial catalyst of creation , producing images of dark grandeur and prismatic possibilities .

They are the manifestations of the brightest and most shrouded parts of our imaginations .

We make the dragons , because somewhere deep in our hearts , we recognize that a world without them is not worth living in .

There are so many people in the land that want an answer , a definite answer , for everything in life , and even for everything after life . They study and they test , and because those few find the answers for some simple questions , they assume that there are answers to be had for every question . What was the world like before there were people ? Was there nothing but darkness before the sun and the stars ? Was there anything at all ? What we we , each of us , before we were born ? And what , most importantly , shall we be after we die ?

Out of compassion , I hope that those inquisitors never find that which they seek .

For what are we left with if there is no mystery ? What hope might we find if we know all the answers ?

What is it within us , then , that so desperately wants to deny magic and unravel mystery ? Fear , I presume , based on the many uncertainties of life and the greatest uncertainty of death . Put those fears aside and live free , I say , and live free of them , for if we just step aside and watch the truth of the world , we will find that there is indeed magic all about us , unexplainable by numbers and formulas .

What is the passion evoked by the stirring speech of the commander before the desperate battle , if not magic ?

What is the peace that an infant might know in it’s mother’s arms , if not magic ?

What is love , if not magic ?

No , I would not want to live in a world without dragons , as I would not want to live in a world without magic , for that is a world without mystery , and that is a world without faith .

And that , for any reasoning , conscious being , would be the cruelest trick of all …’

 

-Dajon Fanelli

What were Adam and Eve like before they ate the apple?  The bible tells us of Eden, where they lived, and what they did, what they saw on a daily basis.  My curiosity ponders,  how did they act, on a personal level?  How did they feel?  Or did they have any comprehension of feelings?  Were they so engulfed, harmonized with God that variation of Feelings and Emotions were obsolete?  What is it about these traits that changed after knowledge of Good and Evil was acquired?  Furthermore, what knowledge was actually gained from eating of the tree of knowledge?  I would love to hear your thoughts on these things.  In non- religious diction.  How did this knowledge change humanity so much?  And what is the comparison from before the apple and after? Apart from the common answer of ‘Man was introduced to Sin.’  Well then, what is SIN? How is it that knowledge gained, gave birth to the label ‘Sin’?

 

Did we gain knowledge of duality? Balance of ‘good’ and ‘evil’.  Clearly we are not entirely from either spectrum, but created within both.  They both form one, as yin and yang.  We are one within this balance.

 

Is it because it had always been in our nature to label and name things, that we, by our vary nature continued to do the same.  Only now, with the ‘knowledge’ that the other side of the spectrum existed we became aware of separateness?  Not seeing the unity within duality.  An all encompassing God.

 

These are thoughts I’ve had.  I am passionately curious as to others thoughts on this topic.  No judgments, just passionate curiosity.

I received this message from a close friend this evening:

 

 

“tonight, God drew all of my anger, bitterness and frustration out of me like poison from a wound. It hurt. I hurt bad, but I got it out. It was extremely painful, but I faced my own thoughts face to face honestly. This is how letting go happens. It can’t be a hint of it; it has to be the real thing. As soon as you see the face of what is destroying you, you know what to keep away from you. You find out that every other angle is so very free and unexplored. Every ray of energy without a story already attached. To remove yourself from the drama of every situation. Just experience it, without letting it consume you.

this is hitting bottom. . . and deciding not to stay there.”

 

-Erik Heran

I thank God for the message about to be given, and my prayer is that a seed is planted within you that takes root,
dies and becomes firmly rooted within your spirit, as the world depends on it, on you, on US.
We have been created within this plane of existence as human. Placed in higher regard than even the angels.
We have been given free will where the Angels are commanded by the very voice of God.
We have been given the gift to choose to accept the Love and gifts of the spirit of God.
To utilize these things, to Love in return, unconditionally, and called to share these gifts with the world!
(ha! too funny, as God would have it R.E.M’s Loosing my religion streamed through my music as I’m writing this)
When I speak of God i do not reference a greying man in the sky marching with a cane and sprinkling magic God dust bring peace and
prosperity to church going people. I speak of the Force from which the universe and ALL inhabitants were created.
The Source of all that is and all that could ever be imagined. He is all of these things imagined. He is The Love within
you, and the Love that streams through you. You are BLESSED to be a vessel, called to light By him, for him, THROUGH HIM.
And you have CHOSEN to say Yes! I will take part in bringing your light and your Love to a broken, contrite, Dying world.
My true purpose in writing this is not to preach to you about God, If he has taught me anything, it is that he comes
to each individual as is fit for that person. Your relationship with God is just that, it is personal, intimate and ESSENTIAL.
I urge you to meditate on that concept alone. An INTIMATE relationship with God – as a Twin meets their Flame God is pursuing
YOU. I am concerned. I am concerned that though we have recognized some gifts we have been given, we are not recognizing
the source and in essence asking idols for guidance. I grew up in a home where the word God was not spoken, nor was the concept
illustrated. We learned of astral projecting, utilizing the help of our spirit guides. We trusted tarot cards, were given
dreams of prophecy. We read of interpreting dreams. We regressed to past lives. . . I went from there to studying any and all faith bases I could from
the Tibetan book of the dead, to the Koran, to Taoism, back to mythology and most recently to Catholicism/Christianity (which
5 years ago i would have shunned entirely). At this point the veils once placed have been lifted from my eyes.
God can not be summed in any one book of theology. But we have been taught this,
God has made himself PERSONALLY available to us. No longer is he in a box, where only the holiest of holies can go, hopefully
not to hear a bell ring as he drops dead to the floor covered in ‘sin’. God is Calling YOU to HIM personally. I urge you
in your prayers and meditations to Go directly to him as the source, there is no reason for mediators. And I Promise you
any real progress you are making within these gifts is a result of HIS will, and your response, not because of the angel, or deity
you have prayed too. Things of this world are either OF GOD or of EGO, people. WE need to recognize GOD as the source of everything
within life. Being the people he’s guided in connection with you, the dreams you are having, the words that are pouring
out of you, the light-headed feeling that seeps into every fiber of your being. Within every fiber of your being you are intertwined
with the same energy that brings life giving properties to the sun. A feeling was stirred up in me today, which I would have typically
interpreted as fear. Though God has created EVERYTHING, everything includes choice. Though God created the angels to love and serve him,
over 133,316,666 (roughly) of these angels have chosen to go against the love and life of God. For each Arch angel their is an
opposing Angel generally attributed to a deadly sin. There are forces at work in dimensions you cannot see that wish nothing
more than to thwart everything God is utilizing your gifts for. Your gifts are not for you, they are for the WORLD, for LOVE
and painting a portrait of God. Making him tangible in an unbelieving world. Be cautious in your practices, always remembering,
remaining thankfull to GOD. Always keeping God at the center of your meditations, for he is the only source. The channels in
which he chooses to reveal to you are up to him, not you for interpreting. Use heavenly wisdom. Head to your heart, and always work in light.
Having been on both sides of this veil, I urge you not to just take my words, hear what God is speaking to you and meditate on
that, WITH him. You have been called as sons and daughters of the most high. Take your place. The world needs God’s Love Now!

♑☥♑
8/17

 

I’ve been led through an abundance of reflection recently –  I see clearly the inner connections within most faith – for me the teachings of Jesus have been a unifying piece. . .I wanted to share some of my thoughts and revelations from this past week – not to convert – but to offer perspective and thought to you all

Blessings; is a word and topic i feel is thrown around very loosely. New Truck! ‘I’m Blessed’….Got Job I wanted ‘I’m Blessed’…..Bonus check ‘I’m Blessed’ …. Healthy child ‘I’m Blessed’…..win lottery ‘I’m Blessed’….miss rush hour traffic ‘I’m Blessed’…..

Picture the Garden Of Eden. Imagine – Perfect harmony with the creator of the universe ‘God’. . naming animals, in perfect open communication with God. Enjoying the vastness of the beautiful world created for shear enjoyment and pleasure. Complete perfect connection and harmony with God. The ultimate illustration of blessing is painted through this picture . . .Perfect unity with the Creator, perfect communication, peace, purpose, Love.

At some point this connection was severed as a result of our free will. I do not deem this to be neither a good nor a bad thing, but a cause and effect situation. At the point in which we gained knowledge of ‘Good’ and ‘Evil’ our relationship with God was severed as we became aware of our shame.  It makes me wonder if we acted any differently before there was knowledge of right and wrong? Or if we behaved exactly the same, and did not know any different.

This brings me to now – Blessing is not found in material things we receive, but by the overwhelming heart felt connection with the Creator, God. True Blessing is unity With God and the spiritual experience to follow.

Treasures; Keep in mind this same picture of the Garden, and human separation from the unadulterated pure spirit of God. I believe there is something placed within us that yearns for this connection. I also believe that God intends to fulfill that connection, and it will be done.

What do you treasure in this world? what do you spend your money on? where do you spend your time? your thoughts? what do you hold dear, what do you treasure?

I would like to offer this perspective, interpret as you will…. Jesus was in also in perfect connection with God – Jesus was one with God as the creation of the universe unfolded – experiencing perfect harmony, love, all wisdom of what is and what is to come, what has been. Jesus was encompassed within everything we all yearn for-  You, Me, Us. You see with all the ‘treasure’ Jesus experienced in perfect unity with God he yearned for the same thing we do – Connection – connection with us.

Jesus lived this human existence of poverty, separation from God, from the love he experienced in ascended places. But he is one example of a man with the type of connection we crave.  The same could be said about Buddha, Ghandi, Confuscious and to name a few.

We are the treasure that God longs for. For us to acknowledge and respond the metaphysics of God.   We are the treasure of God, of all that is and will ever be – whats your Treasure?
♑☥♑
10-2-12

Saudade

“Saudade was once described as “the love that remains” after someone is gone. Saudade is the recollection of feelings, experiences, places or events that once brought excitement, pleasure, well-being, which now triggers the senses and makes one live again. It can be described as an emptiness, like someone (e.g., one’s children, parents, sibling, grandparents, friends, pets) or something (e.g., places, things one used to do in childhood, or other activities performed in the past) that should be there in a particular moment is missing, and the individual feels this absence. It brings sad and happy feelings all together, sadness for missing and happiness for having experienced the feeling.”

 

Colors of fall leaves radiate

bringing warmth and brilliance

to the autumn air

Green mountains submit to colorful trees

The air brings about a feeling of comfort

in the cool dusky sky

As the sun falls behind the spectrum

Bringing about the nights air

A pungent scent of dew forms

sweet, electric to the senses

Holes poked through the canopy of night

Showing a starry view

Glimmers into ‘Heaven’

 

Are you peaking back at me?

Is this beauty for me to see?

As A lover showers his bride with gifts,

Have you given me the world,

In all it’s beauty,

Your eternal kiss?

 

Chip Cherps of critters

Cackling of trees

Senses hightened

My eyes play tricks on me

 

Though You see me through the stars

My eyes play tricks on me

Wishing I could feel you

Begging I could see

 

As the seasons change

Sooner does day become night

My eyes may see lights beauty

My souls domain is night

 

As easily as you have given the world

Take these crimson pieces of me

Let fates String Become Unfurled

 

 

 

 

Break Free

Break Free- Break free of patterns- Break free of stereotypes- Break free of peoples opinions of you- Break free from self image- Break free from negative thought- Break free from the norm. You have the God given gift to allow the world around you to manifest through you. Your thought process possesses a Vibrational reaction upon the world around you. You possess the gift to effect the world around you on a mass scale, But you must be free of stigmas and judgments. Break Free

 

Om is a sacred symbol and sound declared through multiple religions. The syllable Om is composed of three sounds a-u-m (in Sanskrit, the vowels a and u combine to become o) which when combined represent the trinity nature of the sound and symbol.

In some religions the symbol is said to embody earth atmosphere and heaven. In Hindu, the Om is representative of the Gods’ Brahma, Vishnu, and Shiva…. Ultimately the Om is widely believed to be ”Something sacred …connected to the divine or holy.”

The Om is also described as “the embodiment of the universe.” In some cultures including an Indian philosophical ideas as well as Himalayan Sages it is taught that God created sound first and from that sound everything in the universe was created. Om, as the most sacred sound “is the root of the universe and everything that exists and it continues to hold everything together”. Withing Indian culture it is also taught that from this primal sound came the desire for humans to learn other sounds as the basis for verbal communication.

Om is considered by some the most sacred of any sound and “the syllable which preceded the universe and from which the gods were created.” ” The cosmic vibration that holds together the atoms of the world and heavens.” Some, such as the Upanishads believe Om is god in the form of sound. In Hindu and Sanskrit religions the sound ‘Aum’ is used preceding any prayer as a calling to God. Inviting God’s supernatural presence to inhabit whatever is to follow

 

Metamorphis

A dear friend told me a story the other day. A man saw a moth struggling to get out of his cocoon. The moth was in his final stage of metamorphosis. The man felt badly watching the moth struggle, so he proceeded to grab an instrument and cut the cocoon open allowing the moth freedom.

He watched as the life of the moth was short-lived. You see through this transition there is a teenie tiny hole that the moth must squeeze through, leaving the life that sustained him inside the cocoon. The man thinking that he was helping actually caused an early death for the moth as he was not able to continue with the natural order of his metamorphosis…

Growth and change are never easy. The trials and tribulations to follow can be even more difficult. But the rewards of the journey are priceless. I laugh as I relate life to a moth…but we to must leave the old behind and transform into what we have been created to be. Birth is not finished at labor, and death does not begin when your body physically dies. These things are cyclical throughout life. As we are constantly dying to old pieces of our self. Feelings, past hurts, past loves, addictions, stigmas of who we are. EGO is what we are trying to lose. SOUL is who we are trying to become. Spirit is what we are praying to receive. We are born innately Soul sick. conformed for the majority of our lives by society. Told who we are, as opposed to truly seeking who we’ve been created to be. We have the ability to co-exist between two realms….this one , the seen, the temporal. and the unseen, the eternal. The soul isn’t meant to die. Our soul is designed to transcend from this plane of existence. Everything we experience is in preparation for this. The key is in the spirit. we will remain soul-sick until we invite the spirit of creation into our lives to breathe life into our jaded complexes. The soul is personal, it’s emotional, it’s who we are. The spirit is life, fresh , able to transcend. When the two conjoin, life has only just begun as our second birth takes place…

LIGHT will always will always expel darkness. Love will always trump ANY other emotion. Light and Love are one with each other. My prayer is that we all learn the source of unconditional love, to walk this life in that unconditional love for all.

Psyche

‘To tread the darkest corners of your own psyche is to conquer the greatest adversary one can conceive .’
Dae-Dae

Marsilio Ficino, philosopher, ‘Conceived beauty in the things of this world as God’s means of making himself manifest to humankind. The contemplation and study of beauty in nature – and all things – was a form of worship, a manifestation of the divine or spiritual love….Like erotic love, spiritual love is inspired by beauty, but spiritual love moves beyond the physical to an intellectual plane and, eventually to such an elevated spiritual level that it results in soul’s union with God.’

Most of us have accepted the inner pull asking, ‘whats more to this life, whats the point?’ some may describe it as a God sized hole, others may be too consumed with this material world to notice it’s there. But in the beginning (prior to the big bang for you science oriented) all we know there to have been is LIGHT. I call this God. I believe that everything in the UNIVERSE was created from this source including you and I. Would we be able to touch the sun, that gives life and energy to the world? NO way, we would burn in a heap within millions of miles. I believe it is the same way with GOD. Being pure light and love, we, in this state of human existence, are so far removed from what is pure and true that upon direct approach of such light we could not withstand the awesome energy.  AS though we are balls of chaotic energy and God is that energy which is PURE.  The two can not co-exist without the pure destroying the chaotic. ‘In his image’… we have been created with endless potential to be tapped into, both in the physical and other dimensionally. Bringing clarity to the chaos is to know your potential in union with the creator.  These truths are within us, may be different diction depending on person.  I know that we have the potential to be in perfect unity with the LIGHT.  The same Energy that formed the world is waiting to invade our souls. Will you allow that?

 

We are all Addicts

So Interesting. Addiction has become a human condition.  Drugs and alcohol are only included in the ‘addiction’.  All of these things are symptoms to the problem, which ultimately is a deeply rooted spiritual problem that manifests in us, just wanting to feel something different than we already do.  We want to change the Gaping hole of destroyed self- worth, condemnation, regret, and a genuine feeling of unhappiness ALL the time.  We try to find labels to make ourselves feel better, or more worthy members of society.  Jobs, relationships, sex, drugs (insert drug of choice here), religion, charity. .  pick your poison.  Bottom line is most of us spend a life time trying to Feel Better.  The ultimate rock bottom, as I see it, Is not over- dosing or ‘loosing it all’.  Rock bottom is when you realize that none of these things work.  None of these things take away the all consuming pain you feel every second of every day.  In fact all of these ‘symptoms’ only contribute to your unyielding burning in the for of guilt and resentment.  I have not yet UN-locked the secret to happiness.  I believe it starts with our thought process, and I’m told a Higher- Power must be present to fill this void we encounter.  For me, I’ve been learning that I am actually in control of my life, and that I am capable of perusing the things I am passionate about.  I still feel a struggle hourly, sometimes momentarily as I fear the next thing that may happen.  But I then have to remind myself that, in the epic storyline of events transpired in my life, everything has seemed to work out.  I do believe in God, a Higher- Power.  I can’t imagine him as a parent figure, My parents, I don’t believe are the best model for this, unless God’s ‘Love’ is conditional.  I suppose I follow a spirituality similar to Nhat Hanh,  I believe ‘being in the image of God’, we posses the power to effect the world around us, beginning with ourselves.  I believe God reveals himself in many forms, personal to the individual who seeks. I see God as a collective consciousness, inhabiting everyone and everything.  I see God as all encompassing ‘good’ and ‘evil’.  He must be? I have been on a quest to find exactly what My Concept of God is.  Though I have not entirely figured it out yet, I know this is the piece I am lacking.  And what my heart is desperately searching for.

 

A little bit of Personal

I’ve been recently posting many pieces of writing, which I have already written.  I feel now is the time to share a personal story..ish.  Let it be known that all of my writing, obviously, is based on personal convictions or experiences.  I share in the hopes that one of you may read and think something like ‘AH! someone else get’s it! I am not alone, and I am certainly not crazy… (or insert personal reflection here).

 

I was Diagnosed Bi-Polar when I was 16 years old.  Seems a bit ridiculous, right?  It would seem to me that every 16 year old girl is by definition Bi-Polar.  The ‘Disease’ is characterized (in broad terms) by going from one extreme flipping from one emotional extremity to another.  Or at least this is how I was diagnosed.

 

I suppose I acted in ways that could be checked off on the MD Bipolar checklist for many years.  I was promiscuous, depressed, manic, indecisive.  I abused various drugs, went on shopping sprees…. WHATEVER.  The list of my off color choices goes on and on.  I choose to use the term ‘off color’ for this reason.

 

Today.  I accept who I am in entirety.  I am not ‘Bi Polar’.  I do not suffer from any disorder apart from being a human being trying to find my identity in the world.  I am continuously bombarded with outside influence.  Whether it be the loving advice of friends or family, religious groups (who I believe have the best of intentions) or my own scholarly research.  I believe I am a spiritual being living a human existence.  I believe we all are.  This is why life, feelings and choices feel (FEEL, feeling are such a blessing and a curse) so deeply.  I have allowed myself to be deeply effected by outside sources as opposed to following my own instincts.  I can see how that may appear ‘Bi- Polar’  I suppose in a sense it is.  I have been acting out of accordance with my own soul in an effort to please the world.

 

My point in this rant.  Is to say NO MORE.  I will not allow myself to be defined by the extremities of others extremities.  Instead I will not be defined.  I will simply be.

 

This is only a small piece of the story I hope to share.  Utilizing the poetry and ‘stream of consciousness’ pieces in between as insight.

 

Never Forget

Whether good or bad hold experience near, let it be guidance through lives paths and it’s fears.

Fear and darkness, blinded to whats ahead, allow yourself strength without the burden of dread.

True love is constant, always unconditional. Without judgment, true friends will reach out when you fall.

It’s up to you to open your heart, let go the unyielding pain you consume from when it was torn apart.

Ridiculous as it seems, life’s highs are the best. More powerful, less destructive than any drug you ingest.

Natural euphoria, bearing no regret. Hold on to nostalgia, incidents you could never forget.Don’t take for granted the positive things you are given. Life without happiness is a life without living.

Let go of the Struggle

Everything seems like a struggle.  Perhaps it is.  But what are we actually struggling with?  No matter the circumstance, it seems we struggle either action or inaction.  We struggle with the question of what will or what could happen. And, how do we cause these effects to transpire.

If we are honest we may find that the majority of our motives are rooted in self-will.  Very few act purely, without abandonment for the benefit of others.  Emotion, and then feelings are the leading source of this struggle.  Desires placed heavy conceive expectation and then give birth to struggle.  As a child matures within his mothers womb, so does our do our desires.  What will we name this child?

Our deepest desires will always come to pass.  Such is the law of attraction.  We should strive to bleak free of conformity.  Freedom is found in embracing all that we are as individuals.  Releasing labels and stigmas.  Re-creating our self view, shifting focus from what is socially normal.  Focusing instead on our passions and capabilities.  We release the struggle when we regain control of our own happiness.  The collective consciousness, that is ‘God’, desires this for us.  For, he is found withing us.

Our happiness will come when we allow clarity to shine through what seems to be chaos.  Showing, what is, at a universal level.  If we search within our personal story we see that we are clearly still here, alive and breathing, still learning to let go of the struggle, and submit to what is.  Embrace the unfolding of events, train our desires to be those of wisdom, not possessions.   Connection, not control.

There is no place for worry.  The things we are meant to partake in will reveal themselves.  Such is the way of the universe.  With everything in nature and science following a specific order and purpose, how could we, as a part of everything, be any different?  ‘God’, as a collective consciousness acts as a driving force, a wave of possibilities.  Our responsibility is to become aware of the possibilities and participate when prompted.

 

A personal Revelation

I’ve personally been coming to see that I have been looking to everyone else to tell me what and who God is.  What blows my mind is I’ve believed everyone else! and found myself in total disconnect and confusion. SO, me new perspective is: ‘Why don’t you decide your own concept of God’  A new journey I am excited to be one.  One where I am who I am, as God id who he is and we both Love each other the same. Agape, a Love that is not conditional.  But in fact during disturbing times we build love more, we need each other more.  We may not have verbal communication all the time.  But were words lack we express ourselves visually or rhythmically to each other.  Everything that God is is perfect, and painful and longing and complete to me as I am to him.  My biggest struggle is coming back into myself, the Person God fell in live with ENTIRELY ❤

What is Your Concept of God?

 

‘Religious’ statements confuse me

Why do Christians Idolize ‘satan’?

I am by no means a Bible scholar.  But, I have spent enough time in the church, bible studies, with people, doing my own studies and within the world, to be thoroughly confused by this.

The first commandment is very clear ‘Do not put any other Gods before me’.  And the ‘Good God’ gave the commandments, right? The why are there terms and phrases like:

“Satan is the God of this world”

“Satan has authority in your life”

“Your under attack”

“Satan influenced that person who…(insert something awful here)..”

“I’m anxious because…satan has been…”

“Satan’s been busy today”

“satan, satan, satan”

 

It would appear to me, that in the act of these types of beliefs and statements, ‘satan’ is given power.  My own personal believe is that ‘satan’ is synonymous with ‘ego’ or ‘self-will’.  I do however understand that it is very difficult to accept responsibility for our own fucked up thoughts and actions.  Really though, aren’t we the ones who are physically cast down trying to get back ‘home’ currently?  Do we not act out of free-will?  Trust me, I have begged God, repeatedly, to take my free-will, unfortunately I still make awful decisions, frequently.

Either God created Everything, or not.  Either God is ‘all-powerful’, or not.  I am baffled by the concept of believing in ‘God’ for ‘good’ things and ‘satan’ for ‘bad’ things.  I’m sure the bible also speaks about praising God in everything.  We could start by not giving some things to God, and others to satan.

It’s becoming Idolatry.  We need to take responsibility actions, make changes where necessary and move on.  Having faith that God is what he is, and will be what he will be.